I left yesterday afternoon to go to Jackpot (yep, that's the name of the town) and gamble a bit. By myself. I had a comped room for two nights and all my meals comped for three days. I had $70 in free slot play. The outdoor pool was open and I brought my swimsuit.
Except that I came back home this morning. I played on the free play money, ate one meal, and spent one night in the hotel. My swimsuit never made it out of the suitcase. I had cash that never made it out of my wallet.
I don't know what's up. Back to the confidence again. Of all the things I'm confident about, traveling is certainly at the top of the list. When I was consulting and training I had no problems hopping on a plane and flying off somewhere or driving half way across the state on my own. Not anymore.
It makes me sad. Not mad, not frustrated. Just sad.
I guess I'm not moving forward as much as I thought I was. It's going to take a million more trips before I'll get back to myself. Trips, as of now, I really don't want to take. Becoming a hermit would be a more comfortable option right now. But I know that's not what's best for me.
I should probably use the lyrics from the song Fame for my mantra:
Fame
I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna learn how to fly
High
I'm gonna live forever
I'm gonna learn how to fly
High
I just so happen to have a Fame rose in bloom right now. Maybe the universe thinks I need a nudge.
