It goes back to when I was working and my daughter was still at home. Since my husband and I had a couple months off in the summer, we would coordinate all our yearly checkups. The three of us have had back to back eye appointments and dentist appointments. We'd make sure his other two yearly checkups he had coordinated with my others. By doing this, we'd get 10-12 appointments done in two days. Two full days of appointments instead of two full weeks of appointments. Squeaking out the most of the summer is important!
Today was one of those appointment days with the two of us having back to back dentist appointments. Then in the afternoon I got to the movies with a couple friends from work.
Since I was going two different places, I decided I might as well add the physical therapist office in there as a stop and make everyone a batch of decorated sugar cookies.
The internal conversation I had with myself over making these cookies was deafening.
"I'll make beehive and bumblebee cookies and ladybug cookies."
"No, better skip it. I might eat them."
"No, I'm doing okay with sugar, it'll be alright. But I'll make flowerpot ones I saw the other day."
"I'll make two batches, enough for everyone."
"If I make two batches, I might have leftovers and will wind up eating them."
"No I won't. I made Oatmeal Cookies back on Day 109 and didn't have a problem."
"Yeah, but that was Day 109."
"Can I guarantee that I won't eat any sugar cookies?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"No."
After 2 days of going back and forth, my willpower overpowered my cookie making/eating urge. So no cookies for anyone because I can't trust cookies. (I really mean I can't trust me.)
As much as I'd like to write that, at the end of this day, after struggling for days on the cookie issue, I have control over the sweets issue, I can't.
For after the movies, I picked up dinner for my husband. And I ordered ice cream with candies mixed in. Not because I wanted it, but because it was such a habit to order. And as much as I wish I could write that after ordering it I realized my mistake, I did not. I ate that ice cream and candy concoction on the way home. Only upon almost finishing it did I realize what I was doing. I was eating something that I have been trying to fend off. Something I didn't even want.
I know better. But I wasn't thinking. My habit got the best of me.
At least I can end the day now knowing that my control over sweets is easier maintained at home. Baby steps, I guess.
Am I the only one who has these struggles?
Thank goodness I have some baby strawberries coming on. No sugar needed there.
