In the next two weeks:
*I have to go back to the pain clinic and decide if pain meds are the answer.
*My mom is leaving California and moving back here. And moving into the apartment with my daughter.
*I go back to the gastroenterologist and find out if surgery is forthcoming. (I don't think so.)
*I go back to work.
Amidst all that,
*My husband is going away to a conference for a week.
*He has a birthday.
*We celebrate our 27th wedding anniversary.
When I was swimming in that pool, I realized it probably was the last time I would get some freedom. The last time I could truly relax.
Summer is over, school is beginning.
And I'm still not sure how I feel about that. As much as I've been living day to day, I'm afraid I'm starting to think too much about the future.
Not intentionally. It's happening in my dreams again, just like on Day 54. Bad dreams about not getting enough done at work, not thinking things through and making mistakes at work. Dreams about forgetting all this personal growth work I've done in the last few months.
In my most recent dream I was telling someone that as soon as I think about school/work, I get a knot in my stomach.
It may have been a dream, but the more I think about it, the more I realize it's true.
I feel it happening already. After several rounds of work-related phone calls and e-mails this past week, I feel the knot in the stomach starting.
Spending today in the gardens and in the sewing room helped untie the knot, especially when we came across this.
Our first green bell pepper of the season.
