Day 963

75 is today's magic number.

Day 962

You'd think someone who:

sews hundreds of Christmas stockings a year
is still using the same pattern since the 1st stocking made
made the how-to video for the Stockings for Soldiers organization, the video on their website and YouTube that is used every season when teaching others to make stockings

would have no problem whipping up those Christmas stockings.

You'd think. Thinking is something I obviously need to do more of when I'm sewing. Out of these 25 stockings I had to redo half of them. Why? Because I put them together incorrectly. Even had to watch my own video to see where I messed up. Let's hope I can speed things up for next few hundred!

Day 961

A thumbs up and thumbs down day.

A rheumatologist appointment, the 7th doctor's appointment in the last two weeks. Thumbs down.

The Dr. canceling my infusion today. Thumbs up.

Because they aren't working. Thumbs down.

Working at getting pre-approval from insurance for another infusion. Thumbs up.

This one lasting 4-5 hours. Thumbs down.

Start on pain pills. Thumbs down. (But if they help it'll turn into a thumbs up.)

Go on temporary disability until things get turned around. Thumbs down.

Ultrasound on hands to judge progression of disease. Shot in the rump to combat pain and inflammation. (You can decide which category that falls in.)

Some money from sales of my book + a gift card from my birthday + some cash back from hubby's credit card + an extremely small portion of my winnings from a couple weeks back = a box containing this, sitting on the doorstep when we got home from the half-day long doctor's office visit. A huge thumbs up.

Christmas stockings in various stages of completion cluttering up a sewing table so much that it'll be a while before I have room for a new machine. Thumbs down.

Day 960

I was having a Sesame Street moment at the doctor's office today.

My knee has been continuing to worse over the last few months and I knew something had to be wrong. When I saw the x-ray of my knee cap, I thought about this song.

What would make me have that certain tune in my head?
A normal knee: See how rounded everything is and how the kneecap just seems to float above the knee?

And then check out my kneecap. Or what appears to be a kneecap. Certainly not floating, and certainly everything else in that joint isn't rounded. Anything that doesn't look like the normal knee -all those misshapen surfaces and growths in the joint - aren't supposed to be there. And by the way, did you notice that big piece of they-don't-know-what but probably bone or calcification sitting up above my knee?

So did you figure out the answer before the end of the song?

Day 959

If you were to ask me how today was different from yesterday I wouldn't have much to say. Probably just copying and pasting, with a few word substitutions, will do the trick.

When I got home from work after four tonight I went right to my bedroom, put on my nightgown, then right to the recliner, put my feet up, covered up, took off my glasses and just sat there. Too exhausted to do anything. Sat there as the sun went down, too exhausted to turn on any lights. I sat there, covered up, feet up, glasses off. No lights no sound. Until hubby came home from his parent teacher conferences at 7:30.

As he turned on a light he saw me sitting there. A box I had kicked from the doorway through the dining room to the chair sat beside me. A box of fabric that had arrived in the mail, an eBay purchase.

I sorted through the box next to the chair. I found lots of fabrics in the box and found one that might just work for another bag/purse. If I had the energy to do that.

Day 958

When I got home from work after six tonight I went right to my recliner, put my feet up, covered up, took off my glasses and just sat there. Too exhausted to take off my sweater, too exhausted to take off my shoes. Sat there as the sun went down, too exhausted to turn on any lights. I sat there, covered up, feet up, glasses off. No lights no sound. Until hubby came home from his meeting at 8:30. 

As he turned on a light he saw me sitting there, still dressed for school. Bless his heart he took off my shoes, took off my socks, and recovered my feet with the blanket. Even brought me over a box I had plopped on the dining room table on my way from the door to the chair. A box of fabric that had arrived in the mail, an eBay purchase.

I sorted through the box from the chair. I found lots of pretty fabric but couldn't decide on my absolute favorite. Is it the baby fabric? Or the fabric of me riding on my scooter? (If I could only be so hip!)

Day 957

I took a break from stocking sewing tonight and whipped up a bag for school. Good thing I was considering it a "practice" bag. It came out to small for my scooter needs. Oh, yeah, and I put the loop for the button on the wrong side, too.

Back to the drawing board. Next one up will be with some fabric I've been wanting to use since Day 10. Geez, that was in 2011!

Day 956

Three down and only 622 to go!

Day 955

I've been saying this to myself all afternoon. (Click on the link to hear it.) It's a line from Chevy Chase on the Vacation movie. While I'm not about to jump into a cold swimming pool like he does, I am swimming. Swimming in felt cuffs for the stockings. I cut the exact number I needed. What kind of crazy number would that be?

625.

Yep, passed that 400 goal. Thanks to EVERYONE for making that happen. Guess I better get sewing now!

Day 954

The generosity of people who read this blog continues. Look what Deb from Illinois sent my way. Christmas fabric that will very soon be made into Christmas stockings for the Stockings for Soldiers project.

Thanks, Deb!

Day 953

Between doctor visits today I stopped for my bargain lunch, two tacos for 99 cents. While there I noticed a sign for something happening at night. If that grilled cheese hamburger thing is part of their party I think I'll pass.

Day 952

When I won the money the other day I probably should have been more excited. In the back of my mind I knew I wouldn't be able to spend it - I figured it would go into savings and never be touched again. But hubby had a different idea.

Medical expenses.

Unfortunately he's right for several reasons.
*If our little trip to Jackson Hole taught me anything it was that I'm so doggone far from healthy. And that things are only going to be going downhill from here. (It appears denial isn't working so well anymore.)
*Just this week I have six medical appointments and next week I have yet another two. (That's way too many if you ask me.)
*Next week is infusion time for me again. (The money I won will only cover HALF of one infusion. Ugh.)
*Hubby's still in physical therapy - been there over a year now. (And we're still paying the bill.)

So while I would love to celebrate and do something fun, it is time to be responsible and thankful for the opportunity to have medical care that keeps me alive and breathing (albeit with one lung) and moving forward (as long as I don't have to actually move), and the ability to work on Christmas stockings for folks who have things a lot worse than me. But no Christmas stockings pictures today.

How a couple pictures of roses still left blooming in the garden instead?

Day 951

Not a katydid, not a praying mantis. An albino grasshopper?

Day 950

25 more scrap stockings made and a heck of a bunch of scraps still left. It'll be quite some time before Santa's workshop closes.

Day 949

Hubby knows I'm a big believer when it comes to the power of the universe. Things always turn out the way they are supposed to. If you are generous and kind, good things will come your way. But sometimes hubby uses the universe thing to get his way.

"The universe wants you to go to the casino" says hubby. (Yeah, right.) I was worn out from my high altitude excursion and even though we had a free room and dinner and show I just as soon go home. But that couldn't happen because hubby had a voucher from a slot machine that would expire if not turned in. (I wasn't all too pleased that he hadn't taken care of it before.) I'm not one to give up a hundred bucks so I had to relent and make a detour to the casino. 

I wound up having to agree with him on the universe leading me to the casino. Because just a couple minutes after sitting down at a penny machine I hit the bonus. 9 diamond symbols during a ultra spin bonus round let me to hit this jackpot of pennies.

That $4,438.37. Thank you universe.  

Day 948

We sadly had to leave Jackson Hole. But I have to admit I was glad we were leaving. (Note to self: never, ever plan a high-elevation trip without first consulting the lung doctor.) I do hope to go back someday, but oxygen will be at the top of my packing list. I had a heck of a time of breathing so I will never make such a mistake again.

I have to go back. If not for the National Park then for the beautiful drive between Swan Valley and Palisades Reservoir in Idaho. The fall colors, the river, the snow capped peaks, the numerous osprey nests. We stopped so many times for so many pictures. Here are just a few of my favorites.

Day 947

When we got home from the Suck the Marrow Tour 2.0 in July we started talking about where our next adventure would be. For me it was an obvious choice. A place I've always wanted to go, a gorgeous place that would provide lots of spectacular picture taking opportunities. So we made our reservations back then - nonrefundable - so we couldn't make some lame excuse not to go.

But that was then and this is now. While it hasn't turned out exactly as I hoped I can't complain. I get to stay in a cabin in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I get to wake up to snow. Looking at the side mirror on my car it appears to be quite a bit.

But where we really planned on going was Grand Teton National Park in Wyoming. Except it is closed just as are all the National Parks. It didn't stop me from taking some pictures, but just not exactly the ones I thought I'd be taking.

Thank you, federal government, for this picture:

But look at these two I got anyway.

Day 946

A lady coming down with a chest cold. Vacationing at 6000+ feet. Only one lung working. The combination of the three made me spend the entire day in this room, mostly in the bed sleeping. Not the best way to start a trip. But at least I get to stay in my dreamy one-room cabin.

Day 945

As I was driving last evening looking at the beautiful sunset and the clouds with the orange and pink tint to them, I was thinking about my suck the marrow and I choose joy beliefs.

I realized I have a dream life.

I have people who care about me and support me, I have a paid-work life and a non-paid charity work (sewing) life that I truly enjoy. When we have time off we get to travel and with the assistance of my scooter I've been able to experience new places. We have a too-big-for-us house which we plan on selling in the next few years and have a much tinier place, closer to kiddo, already purchased.

2 bedroom, 2 bath. Not exactly as tiny as I thought it should be, though. I wanted to sell everything off and live in a one room cabin. In hindsight, I'm glad we didn't go that small. These next few days will be a test to see if that one room would have worked.

We have a couple days off from school and tack that onto the weekend and we've taken a little jaunt to another state. To stay in a one room cabin.

Day 944

Am I over 400 stockings? Well each stack is 25 and I have 23 stacks. Wow.

Day 943

I was a bit sad today when the mail lady drove by. Whereas the last two mail days she came into the driveway to deliver boxes of donated fabric, today she briefly stopped at our mailbox to deliver the junk mail then drove on.

I might even had said something like "boo hoo" to myself but since my new motto is "I choose joy" I didn't dwell on it. I just thought about all the scraps I still had to work with.

And I was still feeling joy when I picked hubby up from school. I might even had said something like "yay" when I saw what he had in his hand. Fabric from a co-worker of his. I cut 11 more stockings from her pretty green fabric. Thanks to Mary who works in Marsing but used to work in Homedale.

Day 942

As I was cutting stockings today hubby asked me how many were already cut.

I have no clue.

Between the ones I already did, the strips I've been piecing together, the 76 from Marie's fabric (yep, Lisa you were right) and the 60 from Joan's material in today's picture I've lost count. While I've stacked them in groups of 25 those stockings have migrated from my table to boxes to baskets to the tops of boxes and baskets. I keep telling myself I'll get them all in one spot and then count them. But with fabric strips and scraps everywhere (including the floor - sorry hubby!) I haven't gotten around to it yet.

Tomorrow will be a new day.

Day 941

The knock on the door came at the right time.

As much as I work on sucking all the marrow out of life, as much as I choose to be happy despite my health, the downward spiral continues. I thought if I was cheerful enough, hid how I'm feeling enough, it would get easier. But it hasn't.

Every time I go to the rheumatologist's office I have to fill in a form that asks about the joints bothering me and the length of time that I have symptoms in the morning. 3+ hours is my standard answer but I'm on the verge of changing that to 4+ hours. The mornings are certainly the worst. The energy, the breath, the pain, the joint movements required to get out of bed and then get dressed is beyond what I can do most days.

In my futile attempt to forget my issues on weekends I head straight from bed to the sewing machine. I may not be able to breathe or get dressed or even brush my teeth for hours (and forget about putting on my shoes anymore - I've had to go to open back shoes that I can just slip on) but I can sit in a chair and feed fabric through a sewing machine.

That's where I was when the knock on the door came this morning. Hubby returned with a box and let me know I had a new best friend.

Joan from Michigan.

Guess what Joan sent our way? Looks like there is another Christmas angel out there. Thank you, Joan!

Day 940

Today is another question for everyone.

How many stockings did I cut today using the fabric Marie from Las Vegas sent my way?
A. 47
B. 58
C. 69
D. 76

Marie already knows the answer, but what do you think? Let's just say it made a nice dent as I work my (our) way to 400 Stockings for Soldiers.

Day 939

Two mysteries. The first one is for you to solve.

Fill in the blanks.
When my daughter and I walked out of the ______ ______ she said, "A mom should never have more ______ than her 25 year old daughter."

More to reveal on that one later.

Second mystery. When I came home from Boise I had a box sitting in my sewing room. I knew I hadn't ordered anything so was curious about where it came from.

Las Vegas.

From Marie, a reader of this blog. A very, very generous reader who sent me a full box of Christmas fabric for the Stockings for Soldiers project. Did I say she was very generous? Well, she also included a sweet note. And money. Money to help buy more fabric or help with shipping. My heart couldn't be any fuller right now.

Marie, thank you for believing in this project - and in me. Hancock Fabrics has felt on sale and your funds will get a BUNCH of stockings cuffed. Fabric for stockings and felt for their cuffs. What more can a person ask for?

Day 938

While working with scraps seem to take forever, they are sure worth the effort!

Day 937

Like Hawaiian fajitas hubby said.

We thought we only had boring fish left on the eating-through-the-Alejandra's-menu project. How wrong we were.

Vallarta Style Shrimp. Super spicy and sweet, served in half a pineapple. Wow. And yum.

Day 936

I'm making good use of the scraps. Those that are too tiny are getting tossed in the tiny-scrap basket. Those tiny scraps will come together and become filling for pet beds at the animal shelter. That is if I can get our cat off of them.

Day 935

Do you know someone who knows someone who knows someone? If so, I may need their help.

11 fabric stacks. 25 stockings per stack. 11 x 25 = 275 stockings cut.

I'm out of fabric and I'm 125 short from my Stockings for Soldiers 400 stocking goal. Anyone know anyone who might have some Christmas fabric floating around? I could sure use it!

Let's see how creative I can get with scraps now.

Day 934

My daughter is so amazing. She turned the front of our place in Boise from this

To this. 

Amazing!

Day 933

I define myself by my work. As I sit in the chair during my infusion I know determining my value by my quality of work is not a good quality to hold onto. When I see and hear those people in the same boat as me, with the same illness, who sit alongside me, it becomes abundantly clear that my future isn't so bright. Most folks no longer hold down jobs, having long ago given into the illness and live life on disability.

But from what I've seen it's not really living. It's surviving. And I don't want to just survive. I want to live and in my book living equals work. (And play, of course!) But it worries me. If I don't have work to define myself by, what do I define myself by? I'm afraid I'll wind up substituting charity work to determine my value. Actually I think I already do that. Who else is crazy enough to sew 400 Christmas stockings for soldiers? Why not 20?

Nope, my flawed character says I've gotta do it big. And thanks to one of the folks in my school district for a big fabric donation that'll help me get closer to 400. Of course the overachiever in me decided I had to stack it two different ways and still couldn't decide which way I liked best.

Day 932

More fabric came in from hubby's school today. This bag of fabric had a note in it from the giver. A gal I worked with years and years ago who now works in hubby's school district wrote me a note and gave me some information about her special daughter-in-law who is a captain in the Air Force. She also shared where her daughter-in-law is stationed.

And here's the kicker.

In Alaska. Anchorage, to be exact. And to be even more specific at JBER. (That stands for Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson.) What's significant about that military base?

That's the exact base I make all my Operation Kid Comfort quilts for. The one I just finished up quilts again last week for. The base I was able to visit two summers ago. The one where I was able to present quilts I had made to kids whose dad was deployed to Afghanistan. The visit where the three little kiddos pointed out pictures of themselves with their dad in their own individual quilts. The visit where the mom was in tears as she hugged me, thanking me for making the quilts for her kids. The visit that became one of the most memorable moments of my life.

What are the odds? Her daughter-in-law, the captain, delivers babies at the military base in Anchorage, Alaska. Babies who may be future recipients of quilts made by me here in little ole' Marsing, Idaho. Kind of makes me feel a bit more connected to the bigger world.

Day 931

I like to think I'm a strong person. It seems counterintuitive that illness would make someone stronger. I don't think it's so much the illness itself but what the illness has made me do.

Live life.

But I'm not feeling so strong right now. My pain, stiffness, and fatigue are approaching my maximum threshold. My knee has been increasingly been getting worse and needs replacing. I re-injured my rotator cuff a while back and it makes doing anything with my right arm - including cutting out stockings - quite difficult. And for some reason I feel like my lung issue might even be getting worse.

I'm in physical therapy to try and regain some strength. What kind of exercises does someone with a knee that needs replacing, a torn rotator cuff, and one functional lung do? Lots of things. Unfortunately mostly upper body work. Things that hurt. A lot. And wear me out. A lot. And make me not be able to catch my breath. A lot.

So yeah, not feeling so strong right now. Almost (okay kinda) was in tears when I got into the car tonight after physical therapy. I'm trying so hard to hold it all together. Kitty knows that, too. Could she squish any closer to me?

Day 930

What state does this tortilla chip look like? Idaho, of course. And no, I didn't break it to make it look like this.

Day 929

When you are dragging like I am right now it is a real treat to find someone to take you out to dinner at the local pizza place. It's good even if it is someone you pick up on the side of the road as you're driving home.

I am so against picking anyone up but when you come across your hubby as he walks home from school on a hot day you just have to stop.

Hot day, hot pizza. Yep, those are jalapeños on the pizza.

Day 928

At least I have some company while I'm working in the sewing room. Although she might not be the best of helpers. You'd think she'd at least pick up the stray threads off the floor but she seems to like hang out with them instead.

Day 927

How committed am I to passing the self-imposed 400 stockings for soldiers goal? By the looks of just the past 24 hours - cut stockings, fabric strips, and scraps - it might become more of an obsession.