Day 101 of 365

I think I might add squirrels to the list of things that scare me.

Lizards are probably number one. That goes back to when I was a little girl at my Great Grandma and Granddad Hudson's house. There were lots of lizards, darting everywhere. My cousins would run around catching them. Catching them and pulling their tails off. 35 years after that is when I saw my next lizard - in Moab, Utah. I couldn't hardly even look at the thing without getting scared. Keep them away from me, please!

Snakes are number two. I never cared much for snakes. I knew to respect them when we used to go hiking when I was a kid. I learned to make sure your walking stick hits the ground before your feet. It's better they strike at that as opposed to striking your ankles. But another incident is what pushed me over the edge in the snake department.

When my daughter was a baby we were living in a rented mobile home out in the country. We had a mice problem (mice might be considered my number three scary creature). We had traps set all over and caught mice every week. We kept searching for where they were getting in and were always plugging up holes. But we obviously missed one under the cabinets/sink somewhere. Because one day I opened a cabinet under the counter to find a large snake. And snake babies.

My first reaction was a scream. Followed by a call to the landlord who asked me what kind of snake it was. I had no intention of finding out. They sent their grandkids down to take care of the snake problem. These were ranch kids who had seen - and dealt with - plenty of snakes before. They opened the cabinet, but the babies were no where to be found. They did get the big snake from the cabinet.

But not before that snake got out, slithered across the floor, and went under the pantry door.

A sight I will never forget. A sight that, to this day, keeps me as far away from snakes as possible.

But now, a squirrel. As I was headed out to the clothesline today to hang up my newly finished baby quilt, I encountered a squirrel. Running under my feet as I rounded the corner of the house. Which wouldn't have scared me, but that same squirrel jumped right up on the tree trunk. The tree trunk closest to my clothespin bag. And that squirrel parked himself on that tree trunk and stared at me. And wouldn't move. And looked as if he was about to pounce on me. As I tried to get closer to the clothespin bag, he reminded me of the squirrel jumping out of the tree in the movie Christmas Vacation. If you haven't seen the scene, it's here. Notice the look on the squirrel's face as he's ready to jump out of the tree. That's what I saw. Exactly like it. Not nearly as cute to me like he was back on Day 89.

Even after telling the squirrel a couple times that he was scaring me (like he'd listen), he refused to move. Finally, he decided to jump on a higher branch.

That gave me the chance to get my quilt up and my picture taken. Better this picture than a squirrel attack picture.

Day 100 of 365

Wow. One hundred days.

A hundred days of taking pictures. A hundred days of writing.

Of finding a way to get through the day. A hundred days of trying not to think about pain. (Some of those days I wasn't good at that one.) Of trying to mask the pain and frustration I feel from those around me. (Okay, not always good at that one, either.)

One hundred days worth of sewing, baking, gardening, bird watching, and Target shopping. Of paying it forward with quilts and and concert tickets and expired coupons.

Of downsizing, yet buying more fabric to finish up quilts. One hundred days of trying to focus on the needs of others and on life around me.

A hundred days of self-reflection. Of telling my story.

Of physical therapy, doctor's appointments, medical tests, injections. A hundred days of hoping for a better life.

Of learning to start an exercise habit (54 days in a row now, a little over 16 miles on the bike this week), of kicking the sugar addiction, and of starting to eat salads (even though I still have to mix it with something else).

One hundred days of (trying) to coming to terms with my physical limitations.

Of trying to answer the crucial questions. How do I move on? How can I be a useful, productive citizen when I can't even stand long enough to wash dishes, cook dinner, or brush my teeth? (Not to worry - I do brush my teeth properly, but I have to sit.)

Back on Day 1 I didn't know if I'd ever make it to Day 100.

But here we are. I am still here. I am alive and breathing.

Back on Day 1 I was thankful for my family, for my husband as breadwinner, and for my daughter who let me live with her for my last surgical recovery. I was thankful for the cat that climbed up on me when I wasn't feeling so great and for the roof over my head. I was thankful for the view of the river I have from my living room window. And thankful that on some days I was able to do things that benefited others like collecting coupons to send to military families, making blankets for babies, and making cookies for my physical therapists.

After 100 days I can now add more to that thankful list.

I'm so thankful for my gardens, my ability to write, my camera (for sure!), my commitment to exercising, my time spent sewing for others, the birds that appear out my window, and the beauty around me.

100 days ago I wasn't spending time searching and recognizing the beauty around me. I was lost and didn't know where I was going. I was wandering and floundering in my own pool of unknowns. Bitter and angry.

So many unknowns are still present, but I'm learning to be a better (as opposed to a bitter) person despite my physical restrictions.

And 100 days later I'm thankful to those of you who read my blog and to those who comment on what I write. I'm thankful for your support as I continue to move forward. And thankful that you hang in there with me even when the only things you're reading about are complaints from me.

I couldn't have predicted I'd be where I am now 100 days ago. I can't even imagine where the next 100 days are going to take me!

But on this day - Day 100 - I again discovered beauty in my rose garden. Another rose opened up today.

It just so happens to be the one called "Peace".