Day 131 of 365

I'm a stockpiler. Have been ever since I can remember. I love the look of neatly stocked shelves (the labels always have to face out), and I especially love a good deal.

I haven't been stockpiling much this spring, but last summer when I was couponing a lot, I did some major stocking up. If I could get one can of shaving cream for 25 cents, why not go ahead and buy five at that price? I'm lucky we have plenty of storage in the house! Doing the big stockup on many items saved us this year - with me not bringing in any income, it's been nice being able to keep our grocery costs down. We still have plenty of soap, paper towels, cleaning products, shaving cream, toothpaste, and deodorant to last us another year.

Frozen foods and canned goods are another story. Our freezer is just about empty and our canned food shelves are looking bare. Last year we had stocked up so much on canned goods that I made racks to hold some of them. (I used the directions here, but painted mine.) So as soon as another bargain comes along, I'll be taking advantage of it. I like having my own grocery store in the basement.

Like my fabric store in my sewing room closet. Even though it's nicely stocked, if a bargain comes along, I can't resist.

It's not like I don't have enough already. (The picture from Day 57 can confirm that.) As many quilts as I send out the door and fabric and quilt tops I give away, it still isn't dwindling. I have a big project I'm about to get started on that will use some of the yardage up, but that won't keep me from buying.

Just this week (on ebay of course) I found a gal offering 5" and 6" squares of fabric, already cut, in some interesting patterns. So I pulled the trigger and spent five whole dollars. Such a bargain. I have a few more dollars of squares coming in the next few days, but my five dollars worth arrived today. Over 200 squares, just perfect for baby and kids quilts.

Someday maybe I'll even get back to grown up quilts. Probably not anytime soon, though.

Day 130 of 365

I wake up every morning with hope.

Hope that my body can get out of bed, get dressed, and eat breakfast without having to take 3 hours to do it.

Hope that I have the stamina to do what I have planned for the day.

Hope that my pain is less than the day before.

Hope that my fatigue is not as great.

Hope that I have a positive attitude through it all.

In the last week I've sent out 5 charity baby quilts. Scrubbed the kitchen clean. Mopped and vacuumed. Pruned up the roses in the rose garden. Went grocery shopping. Had a dentist appointment. Went to the movies. Cleaned and organized the sewing room. Washed windows. Exercised every day. And just today cleaned and organized the den.

I've done more in the last week than I have done in a long time. The combination of all the work has taken a toll on me.

Each day has been a bigger struggle than the day before. Each day I've had to force myself to get out of bed and dressed. Force myself to do my self-assigned task for the day. Force myself to exercise. Force myself to keep going. And even force myself to write and take the picture of the day.

It was tough. Probably the toughest week I've had in a quite a while.

The thing about rheumatoid arthritis is that it makes you feel like you have the kind of flu with the body aches and fatigue, but all the time. Then add in the side effects from my medications. Then add in the back issues. Add in no pain medication. Try and accomplish physical things during the day - cleaning, washing, gardening? It's enough to make someone start popping those pain pills again.

But I didn't. And I won't. Because that's a short term solution.

I want a long term solution. A solution that will let me work in the garden, clean my house, and even get myself dressed without pain. A solution that will allow me the energy to get back to work.

A solution that will help me meet the goal I set when I first started the blog - the hope that I will be back into the land of the living instead of the land of the existing.

This week was proof that I'm not even close.

I'm having to dig down deep to keep a positive attitude about it. I need to be thankful I can get out of bed and get myself dressed (even if it takes 3 hours). I need to be thankful I can wash my windows, mop my floor, exercise, and prune roses, even if it keeps me in pain and takes every bit of oomph I have. And I need to be thankful I can get outside and enjoy my beautiful flowers.

This one just opened today - some type of huge lily. An Asiatic one maybe?