Day 624

Hubby was too excited to sleep last night.

He had a meeting lined up with his principal for this afternoon to talk about school. He was going to make sure he got the elevator key and restroom key so that when everyone went away for Thanksgiving break next week he and I could get into his classroom and get things set up for his return the Monday after Thanksgiving.

He was excited to see staff, excited to get back to teaching, so excited to try out new jokes on the students.

But when we walked out of the kidney specialist's office this morning we didn't have a work release slip in our hands. We had a shall-not-return-to-work slip. All through the day he and I continued to use the same word.

Blindsided.

While we knew returning to work was going to require some accommodations, we didn't expect not returning was going to be an option. Kidneys still aren't there, but even more of a concern for the doctor is the high steroid dosage he's on. The doctor is super-concerned about the immune-system suppression hubby is experiencing right now. Being around other people - especially 170 kids a day (about how many kids he'd have in classes throughout the day), is dangerous to his health. Like being in a petri dish, the doctor said.

Hubby is disappointed, discouraged, defeated. It's for the best, but right now it's not feeling that way to him.

I did get him to laugh a bit today. We were stopping for milkshakes at Arctic Circle and the sign out front read No chocolate 99 cents. I went on and on about what kind of dessert it might be. Only when we got a bit closer did I realize I misread the sign.

While their sign might be a bit off, their shakes sure aren't.

Day 623

The sewing obsession continues.

As I was organizing the sewing room (one of those things I do when I feel yucky) I came across a box. A long-forgotten box. A box holding partially completed blocks I had sewed together. Blocks I had intended to use for a couple different wall quilts many years back. As I'm in the middle of projects (Alaska quilts sent, snowman quilt finished) it seemed as good a time as any to finish them up.

And thank goodness because working on these old projects has been enlightening. It takes seeing my old sewing work to realize how much better my sewing work is now. But how could it not? Just think of the hours and hours and quilts and quilts I have done. What a busy couple years I've had!

First top complete.

Day 622

I know things are bad, about as bad as they've ever been for me. How do I know? I can't even make it through a full day of work anymore. I struggle so much just to get there, only to find my fatigue, pain, and anxiety too high by afternoon to function. Only after coming home and taking  a long rest do I feel competent to get anything done. (Thank goodness I have a job that allows me time to work at home.)

I  know things are bad because every spare moment I have I hide out in my sewing room and keep the machine humming through projects. My snowman quilt is finished. I washed it up afterwards and now the quilting I did makes it look textured. 

I know things are bad because who in their right mind would spend days quilting thousands of far-from-perfect circles over the entire quilt? I wanted it to be like snow, but in hindsight I probably should have just quilted simple snowflakes.

Day 621

I could have posted a picture of the itty bitty snowflakes falling today but I've got a better one.

Call it interesting or cool or weird or gross or whatever you want, but it's just a cat doing what a cat does.

Licking her chops after eating her dinner.

Unfortunately I snapped a picture at the exact moment her tongue was going back in (or was it coming out?) of her mouth.

Ew.

Day 620

I got a kick out of my husband last night. The football fanatic was watching Marsing High School play in the state playoff game on the Internet, listening to Boise State play Hawaii on the radio, and watching Notre Dame play on the TV.

All at the same time!

I began to make fun of him but didn't get too far. He reminded me that I'm not any different when I get in my sewing room.

Who in their right mind makes three quilts at once? Guess that would be me. All three are ready to head out to Alaska this week.

Day 619

I'm glad the wasps are gone but I'm even happier to get a nice close-up picture of their nest.

Day 618

I'm starting to get a better understanding of this anxiety thing. It seems to be tied to leaving the house so I'm starting to think it's pain-related. Every time I have to leave whether it is for work or appointments or grocery shopping, the anxiety shows up. Those days I'm not having to go anywhere, not so much. Just thinking about how much pain I'll be in going down the stairs, getting in the car, walking from the car to the xyz, walking in the xyz, plus having to be pleasant to others when I don't feel so hot is enough to me want to go and hide. Unfortunately the doctor won't prescribe anything until he's sure it isn't linked to the arthritis flare ups. I had an ultrasound on my hands today and the results of that should determine the course of action. So, more waiting.

In the meantime the results of hubby's bone scan came back. Thanks to the heavy-duty, long-term use of steroids to help improve his kidneys he now has osteoporosis. He will start on some medication, but the damage has been done. It's not like he's steady on his feet anyway - between the cerebral palsy, the (possible) permanent nerve damage in his feet from the renal failure, and the tremors from (probably) the renal failure - he's an accident waiting to happen. He's still planning on going back to work after Thanksgiving but certainly won't be using the stairs on the way to and from his second-floor classroom.

And our daughter. Such a great kid. She started a new job today, a promotion at her work. She's been interested in this lead position that only occurs during the holiday season for several Christmases, and now it's hers. More responsibilities, employees that report to her, and a pay raise. We are so proud of her commitment to the working world.

We're also proud of her commitment to helping out her folks. After all her work in the rose garden she also found time to rake leaves. And boy, were there a lot! (Shh..don't tell her she's in the picture, too.)

Day 617

Recipe for Healthy Roses

2 adults, each with health issues
1 hard-working daughter with two days off from work
2 warm November days
2 wheelbarrows
1 pitchfork
3 garbage cans
10 large black trash bags
several pair of pruners and loppers

Mix all ingredients, making sure to take before and after pictures.

Day 616

I don't think I'll ever stop being amazed by the pictures taken at sunrise.

Day 615

I couldn't get through the day without taking yet another fall picture. Who in their right mind could resist taking a picture showing the yellow leaves and the beautiful blue sky on a highly unusual 70 degree November day? Not me.

Day 614

With the way things are for both of us, hubby and I didn't get very far with cutting back the roses today. We did have a helper but she was more interested in playing in the leaves than helping us in the garden.

Day 613

This is the week we're going to cut back our roses for the winter. (With kiddo's help, of course.) Before that happens, just a few last-minute pictures of roses still in bloom.

If you look closely on this next picture you can see a bee at work in the middle of the rose.

Knowing I was patiently waiting, the bee made another appearance.

Day 612

Our backyard seemed a good place to get fall-ish pictures today.

But I sure didn't expect to see a fall picture like this. Poor little Johnny-Jump-Ups are having to fight the leaves.

Day 611

Lab work is back.

After several weeks of hubby's kidney tests improving, these most recent results are heading in the wrong direction. Blah.

And after multiple blood tests from my doctor's appointment this week, two things of note. First, my inflammation number is sky-high. Higher than it has ever been in my life, so no wonder I've been hurting. Secondly, of all the numerous things they were checking for no fewer than 10 (that's ten) came back abnormal. Just great.

While that may be sarcastic, what is not sarcastic is how great the quilting is turning out on the kids' quilts from Day 602, Day 605, and Day 607.

I'm especially proud of the work I'm doing on the purple one from Day 607. Straight stitching, a meandering stitch, my favorite curls, a decorative stitch, and even a getting-better-all-the-time free motion flower. I love how it looks on the bright purple section of the backing. I just might be able to call myself a quilter pretty soon.

Day 610

On my way back from the gas station I took the back road across the dam. The foliage around the lake is always pretty this time of year so I stopped to get some pictures.

While I got exactly what I was looking for - pictures like this one - I also got much more.

I've learned that if I'm patient enough I can get an even better picture. As I was sitting waiting for the sun to break through the clouds a bit more, some birds appeared and decided to line up for me.

Most of them flew away but a few stuck around.

And just in case I missed my shot, one stayed behind.

Day 609

I'm not a Halloween person so the thought of finding a picture reflecting the day seemed a daunting task. That is until I looked out the window as I was waiting for the doctor to come in. Add a couple little photo color enhancements and...

As Halloween-y as I get. As for everyone else, enjoy your time with your trick or treaters.

Day 608

Most days I love my camera. Occasionally it doesn't get me the picture I want.

Today's sunrise was spectacular. Blues, purples, yellows, and oranges. But the camera just couldn't capture the true colors.

Day 607

I've purposely kept the following information out of the blog, but it's time to open up about it.

It started with an uneasy feeling and progressed into an on-edge feeling. It has continued with additional symptoms. The inability to get to sleep or stay asleep. Excessive worry. Stomach aches. Sweating. Pounding heart. Uncontrolled eating.

Turmoil, like a knot in the pit of my stomach, or in my chest or in my head. So much so I'm about ready to burst. Or maybe yell. Or maybe throw something. Or maybe cry hysterically. Like I'm going crazy.

After searching the internet for the symptoms, I'm self diagnosing myself. Anxiety disorder.

For quite some time I had been the relaxed live one-day-at-a-time person. But that changed a few weeks back. I think balancing caregiver with worker and wage earner with bill payer with housekeeper with sewing-for-charity lady with gardener with rheumatoid arthritis sufferer with _________ (fill in the blank) has gotten the best of me.

I've been trying really hard to avoid other people for fear of having an outburst. I haven't had one yet but I'm on the verge of losing it. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday so I gotta hang in there just another couple days.

The worst part has been just that - the fear of losing it. Also the uncontrolled eating - that's not the greatest either. The only way I've been able to cope is to hide. Hide in the sewing room and try and keep as busy as I can.

The first version of this next quilt top was a little off. I contemplated taking all the borders off but decided against it. The second version looks a little bit better with the addition of some appliques on the corner. Sure hope the little gal likes purple.

Day 606

How do you know you're loved? When a kitty cat comes and hangs out on the bar stool while you're cooking in the kitchen.

Except it wasn't out of love for us...it was love for food. She thought we were getting ready to feed her.

Day 605

Another day, another quilt top put together for a little guy with a dad in the Air Force.