Day 804

While my pictures are changing every day, there is one scene that reappears every single day. And not just once. Dozens of times.

Here's how it works...
I'm sitting somewhere - at my desk, my chair, or maybe my dining room table. Minding my business, doing my thing. At some point I need something from another room. Maybe a folder, a glass of water, maybe I need to go to the bathroom. I jump up, feeling great (still no pain), and head to where ever that other thing might be. Once I get to that other room is when it happens. The same conversation with myself. (FYI- the H-H-H in the conversation is me panting and gasping for air.)

Oh my H-H-H goodness H-H-H why H-H-H can't I H-H-H remember H-H-H to H-H-H move H-H-H slowly H-H-H?

Every single time.

The doctor told me to do everything very, very slowly. But geez whiz, I feel great and I want to move. So I keep forgetting. Again and again and again. Guess I'm going to have to take my time if I'm wanting to live deliberately to suck all the marrow out of life.

But I'll be letting someone else worry about the bulbs, strawberries, daisies, and peonies. Just today I sent out the all-call for folks from work to come and dig what they want out of my garden. I gotta keep a few of my peonies, but there are plenty to go around.

Day 803

I am so embarrassed about my rose garden. My untended, neglected, sorry-looking rose garden. The poor thing. The only time I stepped into the garden this year was to count rose bushes that needed to be dug up because of the too-cold winter temperatures.

Until today. I first took this picture. Embarrassing.

But thanks to my daughter and her boyfriend it looked like this by day's end. Not embarrassing.

The pile of rosebushes and weeds, stuffed in boxes and bags and trash cans. 16 rosebushes had to be dug out in all. Sad.

Then tonight, something sort of embarrassing. An award for me at the school board meeting. It's nice to hear nice things said about you. It was also nice to have hubby and daughter and her boyfriend along for the presentation. My boss took a picture and told me it could be the picture for the blog. Me, in a picture?

Nah, don't think so. But thanks to everyone I work with for making me feel so appreciated!

Day 802

This could be my picture for the day. Grilled hot dogs with grilled red pepper and onion relish, eaten out of the back of our car in the driveway. I'm not a big hot dog fan, but hubby's concoction tasted pretty darn good.

But this picture of something landing on me while I was sitting outside is more Mother's Day appropriate.

Happy Mother's Day.

Day 801

I haven't even had my new scooter for 24 hours and hubby has found a new use for it.

Spray truck.

Quite the sight with me driving and him spraying. Can't imagine what the neighbors might be thinking!

Day 800

How appropriate that on a milestone day - Day 800 - that a quote is on my mind. A quote from Thoreau, but also a line from the movie Dead's Poet Society.

"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life."

As I've been coming to terms with this new diagnosis, I've decided to have a much better attitude than I've had with the arthritis. It's not all that hard. If I can handle 10 years of constant pain, I can certainly handle this. Yes, my life will revolve around a scooter. But it is time to swallow my pride and just do it.

I'm ready to live deliberately and suck out all the marrow of life. I have some more responsibilities at work next year and am excited about it. I'm clearing things out of the house like crazy and am excited about it. I have quilts planned and new books planned and am excited about it. I have a trip planned with hubby, daughter, and boyfriend and am excited about it.

As to quote another movie line from Dead Poet's Society, carpe diem! (Which means "seize the day", but should mean "my scooter arrived today.")

Day 799

Have you ever had a doctor call you personally to tell you test results? My pulmonary specialist did today. So yes, paralyzed diaphragm, yes there will be a significant lifestyle impact, no it will never get better, yes the oxygen monitor I wore the other night show my oxygen level drops way too low, no the insurance won't cover the oxygen machine I need unless I have a sleep study and then use a CPAP machine first. No, no problems with bloodwork. Oh, and would you like me to call you with the results of the sleep study or would you like to come in and visit about them?

Wow.

After months of trying to get answers, months of doctors and physician assistants and nurses and secretaries dismissing my concerns about not being able to breathe, of not returning calls, and in some cases never letting me know how test results turned out, it sure is a breath of fresh air. (Pun intended!)

Fresh like tulips.

Day 798

I don't know if anyone is in their right mind to make smart decisions at 5 AM, but I went for it. I woke up and decided to kill the garden.

We bought seeds months ago. We had high school kids plant them in the greenhouse. And we waited for me to feel well enough to clean up last year's garden. Clean it up and plant it.

But that "feel well enough" day hasn't appeared. Actually, that's inaccurate. I feel great. Better than I've felt in years. Those infusions have knocked that darn arthritis right out of my system and there is no pain in my body. It has been replaced with a smile on my face and a sparkle in my eye. Every day I'm up early excited for the day.

But I can't move much without losing my air. Heck, I can't even walk to the garden space let alone work in it. Knowing I won't ever be able to catch my breath is what lead me to the decision. The killing of the garden decision.

Although right now it's more of a killing the weeds decision.

Day 797

On a stop at Sonic for lunch (Did you know they had grilled cheese? Yum.) before I headed to another appointment at the hospital I came across this gorgeous tree in bloom. I can't believe now, with almost 800 consecutive days of taking pictures behind me, that things are still awe-inspiring to me.

Life is good, ya know?

Day 796

The fluroscopy test I had on my lungs today confirmed the pulmonary specialist's preliminary diagnosis.

My diaphragm, that muscle that pushes air into and out of my lungs, is paralyzed.

I left the hospital, thinking about life and looking up at the clouds. What else is there to do when you know life will never be the same?

Day 795

Taking close up pictures of the tulips has gotten me thinking about how much things look different close up. I could go on about how it applies to my life right now, but I will restrain myself.

But I'm not restraining from (trying) to take a close up picture of something else, my hand after painting the steps at the Boise place. Yep, I over did it but yep, they look good. (My hand? Not so pretty.)

Day 794

There's no keeping me down. I just can't sit still all day. Case in point, this mess from the estate sale I went to in Boise. The one where I put everything on the floor of the bedroom. On Day 743 it looked like this:

Now look at it today. Most went to eBay but I saved a few pieces for myself. With the addition of the cubby shelves things are coming together nicely.

Day 793

Let's have a lesson on lungs today. More of a lesson on the diaphragm. 

The diaphragm sits below the lungs and is the major muscle involved in breathing. It contracts and relaxes, forcing air in and out of your lungs. When you breath in, the diaphragm flattens out and lets air in your lungs. When you breathe out, it expands and forces air out of your lungs. A diaphragm also acts as a barrier between the chest cavity and abdominal cavity.

There is also a nerve that runs through your chest that makes those diaphragms work. That nerve can be damaged by a virus. That nerve damage can cause the diaphragm to be pretty much be stuck in the expanded state, pushing into the lungs permanently. No contracting in and out, no air in and out. That diaphragm can also lose its job as chest/abdominal cavity barrier and wind up carrying the liver and other abdominal organs into the lung cavity with it.

So thus is the lesson of the diaphragm. And the preliminary diagnosis from the pulmonary specialist. I have a few more tests lined up next week to confirm.

The good news? It shouldn't get worse. The bad news? It won't get better. There are some treatments, but nothing guaranteed. I've been told to do everything very slowly. Keep the walking down to a minimum, stick close to home. Even suggested a scooter to get around. Not what I had in mind.

Also what I didn't have in mind? A CT scan of my lungs that looked like this. You can see that doggone diaphragm clogging up the lungs. No wonder I can't breathe!

Day 792

Hubby has been lamenting the state of our roses. With the coldest winter in years occurring this past season he has reason to be worried. I finally took myself a little stroll through the rose garden.

Pretty ugly. Looks like close to a dozen rose bushes have bit the dust. So sad.

At least I still have gorgeous tulips. I love the stripes in this one.

Day 791

I like mustard on my hot dogs and hot mustard with Chinese food. As much mustard seed growing around here I won't be going without anytime soon.

Day 790

For the past two days I got up out of bed.

You might be thinking so what? Let me clarify that. For the past two days I got up out of bed with no pain.

For the first time in close to ten years my body let me get up out of bed. And move. And shower. And get dressed. And eat my breakfast. All with no pain.

The miracle of infusions.

I wish I could say all is great. But I still can't breathe. Once I get out of bed and move, I can't breathe. When I shower I can't breathe. When I get dressed I can't breathe. When I eat my breakfast I can't breathe. And every single time I make any movement I can't catch my breath, I can't get any air.

I feel like the picture I took today of the auto parts store. I'm so raring to go, but something is holding me back...

Day 789

No, daughter isn't engaged yet. Boyfriend asked permission from us, but no ring on her finger yet. And yep, Lisa, Macys is her employer. Still no guesses on his from anyone?

How about this one - can you guess how pretty dew is on violets?

Pretty darn pretty, I say.

Day 788

34.03 miles v. 2.42 miles.

From our house in Marsing to our daughter's place in Boise it's 34.03 miles. With one way miles like that we don't see her all that much. Especially with her going to school full time and still trying to keep 20+ hours a week at work. But from our place in Boise to hers? 2.42 miles.

With as close as she lives it has been nice to see her whenever we spend the night over there. We don't always get to see her every trip - trying to pull straight A's takes quite the studying on her part - but last night we got to spend a nice chunk of time with her, her boyfriend, and their cat.

Boyfriend made dinner. Stir fry, fried rice, and egg roll.

Then daughter needed help making cupcakes for a party. A party where the attendees work at either her work or his work. (Can you tell by the logo cupcakes which two stores she and boyfriend work at?)

Oh yeah, and that's not all. Boyfriend asked our permission to marry our daughter. We said yes.

Day 787

Another mystery solved. Again, not the right one but one I'll again take.

On Day 770 I took a picture of a pod in the middle of rhubarb at our place in Boise.

Well that pod has now opened. Yep, a rhubarb flower.

Day 786

A mystery was solved today. Unfortunately it wasn't the one about me, but I'll take it anyway.

Back on Day 275 I had taken a picture of a plant with some berries on it. I had asked for help on identifying it and Karen came through. Could be grape holly, she said.

I had to wait until spring to see if yellow flowers appeared. I somehow missed checking last spring but I caught them this year. Plant identity confirmed.

Day 785

I could use all kinds of (bad) words to describe how things are going right now, but I'd rather focus on a positive word.

Stunning.