Day 166 of 365

I don't do weddings and funerals.

Never have. I make it a practice to stay far away from both. I've been to five weddings during my lifetime - and one of those was my own and a couple others were ones my daughter was part of when she was little. As for funerals, I've been to three- and all three were my husband's relatives.

I avoid funerals at all costs. But today made number four. Today should have been my husband's first day of school, but instead it was the day he buried his mother.

She had been in a care facility for some time now. A couple years back she started showing signs of dementia and when it became clear she couldn't be left alone, she was placed in a care center. My husband used to call her on the phone when she resided there. But soon she became confused and agitated and he was asked by his family to stop calling.

So then he visited her. The last time my husband and daughter visited his mom in person, she thought our daughter was his wife. Then the visits stopped. So while his mother was buried today, the mother he knew left a long time ago.

Today was a rough day anyway. He handled it all well, and I think he is relieved it's behind him now.

When we got home, I had a nice surprise waiting in my mailbox. A freebie pay it forward from someone on the quilting website I visit. A small quilt top with some extra matching pieces. I'll add some of my pinks and I'll have another charity baby quilt soon.

Day 165 of 365

Our daughter used to steal our batteries. I think I had something to do with it.

When I was pregnant with her I used to listen to the stereo all the time. My first choice whether I was reading or cleaning or cooking was to listen to the radio. I never put headphones up to my tummy, but the music was always on in the house. (Even when I was a teenager TV wasn't important to me but my records and cassette tapes were.)

When she was young she wanted to be a dancer. She loved turning up the music and singing and dancing around the living room. When she got a bit older we bought her a Walkman.

Something she loved as much as singing and dancing was rocking in a rocking chair. (That one came from her dad.) She would rock for hours, listening to her Walkman, belting out songs.

She would listen to that Walkman so long she'd run the batteries down. Instead of asking for more batteries, she'd go into our battery-storage drawer and take them. Again and again and again. So we eventually cut her off. No more batteries from us.

But then we started noticing things around the house weren't working when we needed them. Clocks stopped working. We'd need a flashlight but it would be dead. TV controls didn't work. I'd like to say we caught on quick to what she was doing, but alas, we did not. We were quite stumped.

No ghost, no electrical interference. Just a battery thief. A battery thief who would replace our working batteries with old, they've-been-used-up-in-the-Walkman batteries.

The day she moved onto an iPod was the day our battery drawer stayed permanently full.

Today our battery thief is returning home for a few days. Her grandma's funeral is tomorrow, and our thief is sticking around to earn some money by helping us catch up in the gardens.

The focus of today's picture requires no batteries, but is certainly helping herself (or is it a himself?) to the garden.

Day 164 of 365

I wish I could say I've regrouped, but I can't.

I wish I could say I have an eating plan set with less sugar and salt and smaller portions, but I can't.  I wish I could say I figured out the exercise thing, that I spent hours today in the rose garden, and that I feel very organized today.

I can't.

Because today was a day where I just vegged. No productive thoughts, no plans for how I'm going to balance home and work. Just a day home, doing laundry and working a bit in the sewing room.

Am I trying to put off the inevitable? The notion that maybe I really won't be able to maintain and focus on myself and others because work will infuse my every thought? The notion that, after 164 days of writing and taking pictures, I might lose what I know to be important?

Today was a day of more questions than answers. So I did what I do when I'm frustrated, confused, or am trying to avoid things.

Retreat (okay, hide) in my sewing room.

While I may not be making progress right now personally, in that room I can make progress on sewing projects. Like my latest baby quilt for charity. On Day 46 I had put the top together, but it took all the way until today for me to finally get around to finishing it.

Day 163 of 365

It's time for me to regroup. Being gone all day and focusing on work these last two weeks sure have changed my routine.

Okay, totally messed me up.

While I may be working only part time, my days are full time days. Two or three or four days a week, depending on what work needs to be done and what deadlines are approaching. Certain times of the year are busier than others, and of course the beginning of the school year is a hectic time so I'm working most days.

I've jumped in with both feet. But jumping in with both feet hasn't taken me forward, but backward.

Since focusing on work these last two weeks, my

• commitment to cutting out sugar has waned.
• portion sizes have increased.
• exercise minutes and miles per day has greatly decreased.
• my relaxed, no care in the world but getting through the day attitude is gone.

I've been squeezing in just a mile a day on the bike. I found coming home late and trying to ride is just too hard so I tried to switch it to mornings. Which is even tougher because my joints won't move. When I get home I'm wiped out with no energy to do anything - exercise, sew, garden, or even watch what I eat. I just come home and sit. No nothing. Just a bump on a log.

It's a sedentary job, so I'm not having to do a bunch of bending, or lifting, or twisting which is nice. But I'm at the computer doing reports and such all day. Here, just a few long days into work, my hands are so swollen from all the typing and mouse clicking I can barely grasp anything. My elbows are stiff and sore from being bent all day (and me leaning them on the edge of the desk when I type sure doesn't help). Darn arthritis! My back is getting worse from leaning forward too much. Darn posture and back problem!

I come home every day with a pounding headache from staring at the computer screen all day. I thought it might be my glasses prescription, so I started using my reading glasses, but still a pounding headache. Maybe too much concentration since this job is like writing a term paper 8-9 hrs a day straight.

Things have to change. I have an eye doctor appointment in a couple weeks. I'm going to work on my sitting posture and do a better job of standing and stretching (and moving around) more frequently. I'm going to work on a meal plan - one that includes less salt and sugar and smaller portions. And I have to figure out the exercise issue. It's looming over me like a dark cloud. On Day 156 Karen commented, "remember the exercise helped you get your body able to work again". I keep telling myself that again and again, hoping the thought will keep me motivated. I haven't missed a day (117 consecutive days so far), but I'm well aware I need to get back to working on it as hard as I was before.

I have to get myself organized and get myself a plan of how to work through this. I'm struggling and I don't like that feeling. I worked too hard to get where I am to then go so far backwards is such a short time. I can't settle with this being my new normal.

Today was a day away from work and I have a finished quilt top. The same one from Day 157, but now with an extra row added and some colorful borders.

Day 162 of 365

My husband doesn't have a cell phone. I have one, my daughter has one, but he doesn't.

There are several reasons why. He doesn't drive so he doesn't leave in a car without me (and my phone) going with him. He works here in town where we don't have a strong cell phone signal. When he is at work, he has a phone in his classroom in case he needs to make a call or in case we need to call him.

Today when I was at work I received a call on my cell phone that made me wish he had a cell phone.

Since the caller wasn't able to get a hold of him, I then had to turn around and call my husband and relay the message to him - over the phone - while he too was at work. I called his classroom, but he wasn't there. I had to redial his school's number so I could have them call him over the intercom.

I never have him paged. Ever. The important message I had to tell him?

His mother passed away this morning.

In her sleep. The way she wanted to go.

She was big into flowers. In fact, when we got married, she picked peonies from her garden (during the first week of June) and kept them in the back of her refrigerator to use at our July 28th wedding. The peonies looked just-picked (as opposed to 6 weeks old).

I think she would have liked today's picture of our butterfly bush.