Day 513

Who plants peppers that grow upside down? That would be me. I don't know if it happened in the mix-up at the greenhouse or if I intentionally chose them, but they are not growing in a way I would expect peppers to grow.

I guess kind of like our lives right now. Hospital, day nine, no improvement.

Day 512

When I showed up at the hospital early this morning I warned my husband that things weren't going to go as planned and we might as well just go with the flow. I knew this because of my horoscope for the day:
In order to persevere during this potentially tumultuous day, you are going to have to take a bit of a 'so what?' attitude to all the goings-on.

He didn't heed my advice. But tomorrow will be a new day in a new hospital in a different town as this afternoon he was transferred to a rehabilitation hospital in Boise. He'll be closer to my mom and daughter, but about an hour from me. I haven't figured it all out yet. I'm going to bed early and will think on it tomorrow.

But as for my picture...every morning on the way to the hospital I pass a potential picture. Doesn't seem quite right - such an old, weathered barn sitting next to a ? (I have to admit, I don't know if it's a cell phone tower or an emergency tower or what.)

Day 511

Today was a numbers game. I thought this morning's numbers from my donation receipt were going to be what stood out:

• 3 boxes clothing
• 10 boxes housewares and misc
• 15 boxes Christmas and other
• 2 pieces luggage
• 3 boxes books

That's a lot of money I sent out the door right there.

But when the air conditioner guy diagnosed our problem as a bad motor, the cost of the repair got me. Paid in full when work was done. It is now fixed and it's oh-so-nice and cool in the house, but I'm $600 poorer.

While we waited for the air conditioner repair guy to finish up, my daughter, the greatest helper in the world, tackled the rose garden. Unfortunately, she was tackled when she got a bit too close to a wasp nest. She left the area with seven wasp stings. Seven.

The kiddo's number topped them all today, but at some point one single smarty-pants squirrel decided to hide his walnut in our herb garden. That Mr. Smarty Pants never came back for it and has left us with a baby walnut tree. Thanks to Ms. Seven-Sting Daughter, Mr. Smarty Pants will have to go hungry.

Day 510

As a teacher, you have those kids (let's call them stinkers) who are somewhat of troublemakers. They're loud, noisy, always bothering other kids, not ever doing what they are supposed to be doing. And they're hardly ever absent.

Whether it's the energy level that keeps them well or what, they are certainly hard to keep down (and keep quiet). But occasionally those kiddos do get sick. How can a teacher tell when those kiddos aren't feeling well? The classroom is calm. The kiddo is quiet, calm, and just goes with the flow. I thought adults were the same way.

Guess not.

After spending hour after hour with sick hubby, he's not become any more pleasant. When he feels well he's impatient and grumpy. When he's sick - same thing. These last couple days have been particularly bad. I even had to turn my mom away from visiting today. I should have turned myself away as well. In fact, I almost walked out of the hospital room on him. But I stuck around, thinking it might get better. Nope. No matter who it was - me or the nurses - he was not a nice person.

Which left me wondering - what happened to that strong, confident person I found on the trip? (That person being me.) Too many days of sitting in the hospital with him. Too many days of driving home with the sun setting in my eyes, big windshield cracks down my side of the window making it difficult to see. Too many days of walking into a house with no working air conditioning and seeing 89 degrees on the thermostat and knowing it won't drop below 80 by morning. Too many days of yard sale stuff in the living room.

It was enough to make me start to cry on the way home. But I caught myself. Both the air conditioner and windshield repair folks are coming tomorrow afternoon. Biopsy results should be back tomorrow evening. There is talk of moving hubby to a rehab center for him to work on being able to walk again.

Then daughter came home tonight and we loaded up both our vehicles with the yard sale stuff (unfortunately she'll have to make a second trip - just too much stuff). She also brought the movie Grease and we're having a late-night girls' movie night downstairs in the cooler basement. And she said I can sing all I want!

I know things will get better so for now I'm holding off the tears. (Other than maybe shedding a tear when I say goodbye to all the stuff that I once held dear.) I also added pictures of our "supervisors" when we were working.

Day 509

With 10 surgeries under my belt I'm a pretty good patient. I know what to expect, I know what to do, I know how it feels. As a patient's spouse I'm finding I'm not as competent.

I show up in the morning, stay into the evening, and head home. I bring bottled water to drink and some days I leave the hospital for lunch and some days I bring my juice and a granola bar. One day I brought the laptop, another day I sorted through the mail, and another day read newspapers and magazines. School-related phone calls and e-mails are inudating me, but at this point I'm trying to ignore them as best I can. I mostly do Sudoku, play Words with Friends with my daughter (when she's not working) and wait for hubby to grumble something at me when he wakes up. Today I got smart and brought my slippers to change into.

But is that what I'm supposed to do? He doesn't have visitors to entertain, he doesn't have a roommate. It is just the two of us. Him sleeping and me trying to keep myself busy.

I feel guilty when I'm not there. But when I am there I feel like I don't know what I'm supposed to do (other than sit with him). Thank goodness for my pictures - I know what to do there.

Today it's the broccoli trees. When our daughter was little and we drove Farmway Road I always made comments about the broccoli trees. Having never eaten or purchased or even paid attention to broccoli before, I thought these trees resembled broccoli. Now that we've grown broccoli, I buy broccoli, and I even occasionally eat broccoli (gasp) I still think the trees look like broccoli.